Protected by Performance - Brian Kershisnik

I’m no pure aesthete, nor do I pretend to be fully invested in such an area, but I appreciate something that speaks to me personally. I saw this painting in the Brigham Young University Museum of Art. Take a look!

Depicted is an audience. An entertainer. A young child. The young child is hiding from the audience behind the entertainer. I see this child as the inner self of the entertainer—once the mask of entertainment has been removed. The mask is nothing short of a facade, a frail and pernicious attempt to conceal weakness. It is a type of avoidance and the antithesis of coping. “Spirituality and Self-Esteem: Developing the Inner Self” reads, “Coping is not hiding from the painful things that we know are true about ourselves. Instead, it is recognizing them and taking responsibility for them.” Covering our weaknesses only prolongs the repose we seek. If we imitate the actions of the entertainer and join in on the act, pain is only prolonged. The inner self pleads for help while the disillusioned ego disregards it — only fueling the internal commotion. Intimate moments of introspection are required for the inner and whole self to peacefully coexist in the current moment. Lately, I have been working on giving attention to my inner self. As an only child, I received plenty of attention (dare I say all), yet with this surplus, I failed to discover how to direct the attention to the wounded inner self. I am working on repurposing attention and turning it inward towards an overgrown, untended lawn. Full of weeds, ant piles, and leaves, and heavily downtrodden by the neighborhood kids (and poop for dramatic effect). My immediate aim is to build a relationship with myself. One of the worst feelings is to be surrounded by those you love while feeling entirely alone. I want to be protected by peace and not by performance. I believe it begins with stillness. Daring to do nothing when the world (and mind) begs you to do something. I am ready to meet myself…